Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I've heard those guys at NASA are pretty dangerous, too...

Dad sent me an article the other day about a strange paper published at the University of Oxford. Apparently someone figured out that more terrorists come from electrical engineering backgrounds than any other profession. (Hey – so THAT’S why terrorists are always wearing pocket protectors in those threatening videos they make…) I guess there are not too many terrorist florists, or terrorist waiters, or terrorist musicians… or even terrorist lawyers. Nope. They’re all a bunch of crazy electrical engineers. The paper claimed that engineers have “peculiar cognitive traits and dispositions” that mesh well with a terrorist mindset. Well, obviously we all know the stunning ramifications of these assertions. That’s right – dad is a terrorist…

Of course dad, being the terro— uh, I mean, electrical engineer he is, always says that you should look for the simplest explanation when a question arises. The question here is – why are so many terrorists electrical engineers? Personally, I think the “simple” answer would be – because they’re the ones who know how to build the bombs. Right? I mean, you can recruit all the angry florists you want, but all they’ll be able to do for you is create some sort of Death to America-themed float for the Rose Parade. (“Look at how exquisitely the chrysanthemums spell out ‘death’… that is some quality work right there…”) It’s kind of like saying, “gee, it seems like an awful lot of chefs go shopping at Williams-Sonoma… what’s up with that? Perhaps chefs have bizarre reasoning abilities that cloud their judgment when faced with expensive cookware… instead of simply visiting the kitchen department at Target, something in their heads draws them towards over-priced culinary objects… weird…”

I suppose you could get into a debate about whether the “cognitive traits” of engineers predispose them to becoming highly immoral, illogical and insane people… but aren’t there far MORE engineers who have done good for society as opposed to engineers who have gone off the deep end? And we certainly wouldn’t want to upset them… it would be mechanical-pencil-and-schematic anarchy…

Anyway… I’ve been very slow with the blog posts lately, because I had some work (as I mentioned in the last post) and the number of people wanting to come by and see our house has increased quite a bit the last couple weeks. Some days I feel like the only thing I’ve done all day is clean the house and run out the door five times over (even though I don’t think we’ve had more than two showings a day… but it SEEMS like much more…). At least I’ve been remembering to keep the outside gate locked, so I haven’t been surprised by any more walk-in realtors. Unfortunately, I failed to lock it soon enough one afternoon and was accosted by a very persuasive magazine saleswoman… somehow, she talked me into three subscriptions, which I immediately regretted paying for as she walked through my should’ve-been-locked gate. Rick faxed in a cancellation notice the next day. Sigh… I’m a much-too-nice person who needs to learn how to angrily turn people away without such concern for their feelings… (perhaps it would be easier if I was an electrical engineer??)

Rick and I will be on our way to Chicago in a couple days – we were planning to go next weekend, but we’ve decided to spontaneously switch things up and go this weekend instead. That gives Eric much less time to figure out where he can hide so as to avoid visiting with us. So hopefully I’ll have some cool pictures to post over the next week or so.

In the meantime – everyone beware the electrical engineers…

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Writing and... other stuff...

So I’ve been working on all this editing work the last week, which has been pretty cool. It’s much more fun than what I’m usually asked to do – which is read through 40-page annual reports and look for misspelled words and missing dollar signs. And, as I wonder every year, I have to ask myself – who READS these things except me?? Who in their right mind would actually brew a cup of tea, settle into a big cushy chair, and dive into the wonderful world of amortization and five-year earnings summaries? Is there someone out there who really IS interested in the fact that the chairman of the board of directors of a bank in Louisiana graduated from Texas A&M and now runs a 500-acre soybean farm? (And what’s more, do they CARE if “chairman” and “board of directors” are accidentally capitalized??) Does someone actually eagerly turn each page of each year’s report, wondering with breathless anticipation what the next painstakingly-organized financial table will bring? Why, this marvelous fairyland of finances is nearly as colorful and whimsical as Alice’s tumble down the rabbit hole!

Anyway… the editing work has been challenging at times, which is nice, because I’m always up for a good challenge. :) I’ve been reading through some children’s Christmas stories, and editing pages of about 250 words down to around 120 words. The challenge, of course, is maintaining the original storyline while deleting or condensing as much as possible. There’ve been many times when I was working on a page, and decided I’d squished the prose as compactly as I could squish it, only to check the word count and discover it was still 70 or 80 words over its recommended capacity. I have to admit I’ve occasionally come close to resorting to less-than-creative tactics. Perhaps, for instance, starting with a paragraph like this:

It was a cloudy, rainy, dreary day. Jane snuggled under her grandmother’s colorfully-patterned quilt and curved her cold fingers around a steaming mug of herbal tea. She breathed in the scent of chamomile and sipped slowly, careful not to burn her tongue. “This is the perfect day,” she mused, “to catch up on my reading.” She placed the mug on the coffee table, right next to the annual report the mailman had just delivered. “Forty pages of nonsensical paragraphs, financial statements, and notes from the auditors – I can hardly wait! I hope it rains all day.” She flipped to page one and began to read…

And changing it to a paragraph like this:

It was rainy. Jane sat down with tea. She wanted to read. She put the tea down. And then she read stuff.

Fortunately, so far, I have managed to avoid such writing.

And on a completely different, totally unrelated, and slightly disturbing subject – can someone tell me why so many ads are popping up on TV that talk about mucus? Why on earth would I want to hear about mucus??? Even if it’s some sort of medication that will get RID of the mucus... I don’t ever want to hear the word “mucus” when I’m just settling down in front of the TV with a peanut butter sandwich, or, say, a cup of vanilla pudding. I can figure this stuff out on my own, thank you very much. If I’m feeling sick, I am perfectly capable of perusing the cold and flu aisle of my local Walgreen’s without any sort of prompting from the media. Sometimes I wish TV ads would regress to the 1950s or so… when the only ads allowed on television were for innocuous things like cars, and breakfast cereal, and uh, probably cigarettes or something… ah, those were the days… maybe… I wasn’t actually there so I can’t be certain. All I know is that it was a magical time of mucus-free TV…

Yeah, I think this is the first post where I went from talking about writing to talking about mucus in the span of a few paragraphs. Well, THAT can’t be a very good editing job…

Friday, January 18, 2008

Happy Friday, and a couple Piva pictures...

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. I've been busy with some freelance editing work for a company up in Chicago (thanks, Jen! :)). Plus a few people have been by to see the house, which usually means I have to drop whatever I'm doing, quickly clean up, grab Echo, and run over to mom and dad's house for a while.

But here are a couple pictures of Piva, since she's just so darned cute:

I took these with the camera on my phone, so they're not the best quality (although they're really not so bad, for phone pictures... :)) I took this one first, and then sent it to my computer. And as soon as I opened it up --

-- Piva turned right around to look at the picture. So then I had to take a picture of THAT, too. I mean, c'mon... that's just cute... :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Random question thing!

I love these random question things, because they give me something to talk about on days when I can’t think of anything else to talk about… :)

What is your occupation?

I think I’d like to be officially known as a writer/proofreader, although usually the “proofreader” label is the one that brings in the money… I’m thinking of going back to school and completely changing my major to something like biochemistry, so I can call myself a “scientist.” That just sounds important and impressive…

What color are your socks right now?

White… with gray toes and gray rings around the ankles and gray “gap” lettering on top. I guess I bought these socks at Gap…

What are you listening to right now?

The sound of one hand clapping… (Otherwise known as “nothing.” It’s actually very quiet in here right now… maybe TOO quiet… maybe I SHOULD be listening to something…)

What was the last thing you ate?

I had a cinnamon raisin English muffin for breakfast (and now I’m drinking cappuccino…).

Can you drive a stick shift?

Apparently I can, but only when it’s absolutely necessary – funny story… back when Rick and I first met, we drove up to Dallas one day in his truck, which was a standard. On our way back to Austin that night, he could NOT stay awake, and kept dozing off while he was speeding down I-35. He finally decided that I would have to drive the rest of the way, so he pulled off on the side of the highway and tried to explain to me how to drive a stick, which I’d never done in my life. And I should mention that he’d stopped the truck on a HILL, so every time I tried to get going, the truck would stall and Rick would yell at me and we’d have to start all over again. (Never ask Rick to be patient when he hasn’t slept in 24 hours. :)) Eventually I managed to get going, and I drove the rest of the way down I-35 until we reached Austin, and then I pulled off at a gas station so we could switch places and Rick could drive the rest of the way. And that was the one and only time I’ve ever actually “driven” a stick shift…

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Purple, of course.

Last person you spoke to on the phone?

My mom, when I impatiently demanded she come pick me up for a Starbucks run. (Actually, all I really have to do is say “hi” and mom automatically says, “coffee time?” Yeah, we’ve got the coffee routine down pat…)

How old are you today?

Um, TODAY I think I’ll be 25… But maybe I should go ask the people at Yankee stadium who were always trying to push the “free to kids 13 and under!” stuff on me when I was a couple years out of high school…

Favorite drink?

Not sure I HAVE a favorite drink… although obviously I love my coffee…

What is your favorite sport to watch?

Baseball… followed closely by football… (American football – not to be confused with soccer, which is about as interesting as watching a bunch of people running back and forth for three hours. Oh, maybe that’s because it IS just a bunch of people running back and forth for three hours… I honestly don’t understand why that sport is so popular in other parts of the world. Although it IS understandable why it’s so unbelievably exciting when someone scores a goal – because that means that something actually HAPPENED… The funny thing is that I always loved PLAYING soccer when I was a kid… it’s just not very fun to watch OTHER people playing it…)

Have you ever dyed your hair?

Nope – I actually rather like my natural hair color. It’s sort of like chameleon hair, anyway – it changes colors depending on how much time I’ve spent in the sun, or how long/short it is. People who haven’t seen me in a while tend to ask me if I’ve colored my hair, because apparently it always looks different. And if it always looks different anyway, why should I dye it? :)

Favorite reality TV show?

Well, I like American Idol… and as I’ve mentioned before, for some reason I always get addicted to America’s Next Top Model, even though it’s the dumbest show ever… ugh, I’m ashamed to even admit that… :)

What was the last movie you watched?

Let’s see… we watched Ocean’s 11 last week on mom and dad’s new HD television. The picture on that TV is great...

Favorite day of the year?

Favorite DAY? I don’t think I have a favorite day of the year…

What do you do to vent anger?

You know, I don’t really get “angry” all that often… but I guess when I want to vent, I tend to write long, rambling diatribes that I either send in email form to very good friends who are very understanding, or I simply save them in Word or delete them after I’ve written them…

What was your favorite toy as a child?

Hmmm… I’ll have to say my stuffed lamb, who I creatively named “Lamby.” I loved Lamby… she was not only a toy, but also a really great pillow…

What is your favorite, fall or spring?

When I lived up north, I probably would’ve said spring… but here in the south, I look forward to fall more…

Hugs or kisses?

Hugs… unless we’re talking about Hershey’s kisses? Yum…

Cherries or blueberries?

Cherries, cherries, cherries… I’d probably choose cherries over ANY fruit…

Do you want your friends to email you back?

Of course… nobody likes to be ignored… :)

Favorite dessert?

I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s definitely made of chocolate…

Living arrangement?

I usually like to arrange myself somewhere in the family room, and Rick tends to arrange himself in the study… Echo is always arranged somewhere on the tile floor, and the cats are arranged on various couches and chairs…

When was the last time you cried?

I can’t remember… so I guess that’s good… I mean, if I’d said, like, “yesterday,” then that would mean I was really sad yesterday, and it would make me really sad to know I was really sad…

What is on the floor of your closet?

Um, some shoes, and a couple plastic bins mostly full of sweaters… the closet is actually much cleaner than it was a few months ago, because we cleaned it out when we put the house up for sale…

What did you do last night?

Nothing interesting…

Favorite smells?

Coffee… chocolate… coffee and chocolate mixed together… curry powder... and I love the coffee/book smell when you walk into Barnes and Noble...

Plain, cheese, or spicy burgers?

I don’t like burgers, because of my weird aversion to ground-up meat… but I do like Gardenburgers, and black bean burgers, both of which I’ll eat plain, with cheese, or spicy. It all sounds good…

Favorite breed of dog?

I’m rather partial to Shelties. :) They really ARE one of the smartest breeds of dogs I’ve ever encountered…

Favorite day of the week?

Um, I guess Fridays are good… but Thursdays are good, too, because it’s ALMOST Friday, plus we usually eat dinner over at Rick’s parents’ house so I don’t have to cook… :)

How many states have you lived in?

New York, New Jersey, Texas… three. And hopefully I’ll be adding Illinois to the list soon…

Celebrity crush?

Let’s see… Clive Owen… Naveen Andrews from Lost (I wish the writers would quit striking so we could have a whole season of Lost to look forward to…)… and I have to admit I have the teeeeensiest bit of a crush on Hugh Laurie from House. I think it’s because he has this amazing ability to totally eradicate his British accent for the show, and every time I hear him speak with his normal voice I’m like, “wow… he sounds like a completely different person.” Very intriguing…

Ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery?

Does a car count as heavy machinery?

Who’s your favorite NFL team?

I guess I should say the Cowboys, even though they lost to the Giants yesterday. But to be honest, I don’t get into pro football as much as college football – I do like the Longhorns… and Rutgers…

Do you have a house phone that is not cordless?

Nope. Not since, oh, 1995?

10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather?

I get 100 degree weather all the time, so I would very much like to see the 10 inches of snow… :)

Friday, January 11, 2008

Friday randomness...

I don’t have anything terribly coherent to talk about today, so let’s see what sort of random nonsense I can come up with…

I had to take Echo to the vet the other day, so they could do a blood test to check her liver enzymes. We’ve had her on a doggie pain-reliever called Rimadyl, because she has arthritis and occasionally has trouble standing up or hopping down the steps on the back porch. But Rimadyl is known to have adverse effects on the liver, and Echo’s liver enzymes have always been on the high side even WITHOUT medication. So we started out giving her only half the recommended dosage in the morning and evening, and when her liver did okay with that, we upped it to a full dose in the morning and half in the evening. But apparently that half-dose increase was a bit too much, because the vet called after her appointment the other day and said her liver enzymes are creeping up. So we’re back to half a dose morning and evening. We’re thinking of starting her off on a rather new injection therapy – it was something they used to use for horses with arthritis, and recently they’ve made it available for smaller animals. Supposedly they’ve had some extremely good results with it – like dogs who were barely able to move are transformed into jumping, bouncing canines once more. It would be great if it worked that well… I do feel bad when poor Echo hesitates at the top of the porch steps and then waits for me to carry her down…

So Eric is in New Jersey this weekend, visiting with New Jersey people (hi, New Jersey people! :)). I’ve heard it’s been unseasonably warm in New Jersey and even Chicago the last couple weeks. I’m actually hoping the temperatures start to drop soon, because we’re planning a trip to Chicago in February and Rick should have a chance to feel what Chicago winters are REALLY like. We were up there around Christmastime last year, but I don’t think the temperature ever dipped below freezing the entire time we were in the city. So this time, we need one of those single-digit-wind-chill-in-the-negatives-feels-like-your-nose-is-frozen kinda days. Because we ARE still hoping to move up there soon, and I wouldn’t want Rick to have some kind of false idea that Chicago winters are mild and temperate…

I was rather sad to hear that Sir Edmund Hillary died yesterday. I don’t know why, exactly – it’s not like I knew the guy or anything. But of course I knew OF him, since he’s one of those people you learn about when you’re a kid, and subsequently are reminded of his contribution to Intrepid Explorer Lore repeatedly throughout the rest of your life. I’m sure there are many Jeopardy answers yet to come that begin with the question, “who is Edmund Hillary?”

Wasn’t it cool that it snowed in Baghdad this morning? I thought it was pretty cool. And they said there were no reports of violence while the snow was falling. I saw an interview with a resident who said he couldn’t figure out whether the snow was a lesson from God or not. Hmmm… I think just about anything can be a lesson from God if you think about it long enough. Perhaps the fact that the violence in Baghdad was quelled by something as simple as falling snow was a lesson in itself – the pointlessness of all that violence seems even more striking when you realize that the whole population of the city was brought together by a single meteorological event. I saw pictures of little kids with wonder and joy in their eyes – and no matter where you go on this globe, that reaction would be the same. Snow is snow and kids are kids and people are people – maybe THAT was the lesson…

And maybe Austin will actually get some snow this year… I mean, if it can snow in Baghdad, then surely it can snow in Austin, right?

Monday, January 07, 2008

Keep it simple, because it's not that complicated...

So I watched this really great documentary show on the History channel yesterday about 9/11 conspiracy theories. This is one of those subjects I have a very strong opinion about – usually I try hard to see both sides of an issue, so I can at least say, “yes, I understand where you’re coming from, and why you might feel this way.” But in the case of 9/11 conspiracy theorists, there is NOTHING to understand, because there is no concrete reason to believe what they believe. And because of that, I find them reprehensible. The “theories” they spout forth do nothing more than detract from the REALITY of that day, and the FACTS of that day… instead they focus on some kind of made-up idiocy in an effort, I can only assume, to express their hatred of the Bush administration.

And it’s fine with me if someone hates the Bush administration – THAT is one of those issues that I can see both sides of, and understand where people are coming from. However, it’s hysterically funny to me that these people can point out the obvious incompetency of the government in one breath, and then hand them all the credit for pulling off 9/11 without a hitch in the next. Yeah. That makes sense…

The documentary focused on a group of conspiracy theorists (a large proportion of whom, I’m ashamed to say, were either FROM Austin, or attended the University of Texas IN Austin), and it went through the “theories” point by point to refute them with – gasp! – science and facts. They pointed out how throughout history, there have always been people who refuse to believe that the SIMPLEST answers are very often the CORRECT answers. (This is one of my dad’s favorite things to expound – always look for the simplest solution to a problem, because more often than not, it WILL be the solution you’re looking for.) The moon landing couldn’t have actually happened – it must’ve been elaborately staged in a studio in a massive government cover-up. JFK couldn’t have actually been shot by some random loser hanging out in a book depository – he must’ve been assassinated by the CIA in an elaborately-planned operation that turned into a massive government cover-up. And there’s certainly no way the United States could’ve been blind-sided by a terrorist attack on 9/11 – it must’ve been a ridiculously complicated, elaborately-planned, colossal undertaking, complete with a cast of thousands who all agreed to be paid off in what is obviously a massive government cover-up.

One of the conspiracy theorists – a twenty-something college kid who sounded dumber and dumber the more he talked (don’t they teach critical thinking in college anymore??) said something to the effect of, “we’re actually supposed to believe that a ragtag group of Arabs with box cutters attacked us?” He used that word – ragtag. Like it was a bunch of ten-year-old orphans from a Saudi Arabian production of “Oliver!” And yes, Einstein, we ARE supposed to believe that it happened that way. Because it did.

And then there was the “theory” that the World Trade Center towers were rigged with explosives, which is why they eventually collapsed. Okay, hold on – so now I’m supposed to believe that the government employs secret ninjas who climb through buildings in the middle of the night to hide explosives behind the walls? Is that it? They cited their idea that the buildings fell “too quickly” (one theorist actually said it should’ve taken the towers three minutes to fall down. THREE MINUTES. Did someone skip a few science classes in school? Ever hear of a little thing called gravity?) and they said if you watch footage of the towers falling, you can see “explosions” blowing out the windows below each floor that falls. Oh right – I forget that when buildings collapse, all the air trapped inside magically disappears and not a bit of debris is forced out anywhere. Duh.

Honestly, the more of the show I watched, the more incredulous I became that half these “theories” even NEEDED to be debunked. Like the people who are completely convinced that a missile hit the Pentagon, and not a plane, because there was very little plane wreckage and there were no “wing-sized” holes in the building. Are you serious? Do you SERIOUSLY need someone to explain to you why a plane smashing into the ground at hundreds of miles an hour leaves very little wreckage? Do you SERIOUSLY need someone to tell you why there wasn’t a cartoon-like plane-shaped hole in the building?? I mean, really? REALLY???

But I think the worst “theory” of all is the twisted idea that Flight 93 never even existed, and that the government actually faked all of the phone calls from the people on that flight to their family members. To take the last words of these people – people who DID, without a doubt, behave heroically and bravely that day – and use them to further some baseless, asinine “theory” is reprehensible in my mind.

The truth is, we KNOW what happened that day, because we have facts, and we have science, and we have proof, and we have concrete evidence. What do the conspiracy theorists have? Nothing. Zero. Just hearsay and rumor. 9/11 conspiracy theories are nothing but the gossip pages of the National Enquirer – one person says something, and someone else repeats it, and someone else… until it’s practically taken on a life of its own. Oh sure, it’s obviously immensely silly – yet if all these OTHER people are saying it, it MUST be true, right? If it’s right there in print, or on the internet on a slick, professionally-produced website, well, that’s all the proof you need, right? Right. Sure. If there’s one thing the government is bad at, it’s keeping secrets – and this one would’ve required THOUSANDS of willing participants who would swear to remain quiet forever. Not even a chance.

One thing that really struck me as I was watching the documentary was a part where they showed a group of conspiracy theorists marching near Ground Zero in New York, chanting, “9/11 was an inside job.” And all I could think was – how HAPPY must that make Al Qaida? How much must they be LAUGHING at us when they see things like that? Not only did they kill nearly three thousand people, but they managed to turn Americans against Americans – and for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I guess for them, that’s a job well done…

Thursday, January 03, 2008

3/363

It’s January 3rd already, and I haven’t even written a 2008 post yet! I used to have a calendar at work that had little numbers in the corner of each day’s square – first, the number of days in the year that had gone by, and second, how many were still to come. It started out with 1/364, then 2/363, and so on. Sometime around July it all evened out, and then the balance tipped in the other direction, until it ended with 364/1. And I was always surprised by how quickly those numbers changed direction…

Rick and I were talking about that the other day – about how time seems to move so much more quickly NOW than it seemed to move when we were kids. And obviously, in actuality, it has stayed exactly the same. At least I’m fairly certain there were 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year when I was a kid. But all those hours and days seemed to move so much more sloooooowly. I have a theory as to why that is – when you’re a kid, you’re always WAITING for things you’re really looking forward to. You’re waiting to go to school like your older siblings… and then once you’re there, you’re waiting for summer vacation to arrive… you’re waiting to be “this tall” to go on the fun rides at the amusement park… you’re waiting for Christmas or your birthday to arrive so you can have some new toys… you’re waiting to move on to junior high and high school… you’re waiting until you can get into a PG-13 movie without your parents… it’s all about waiting “until you’re older,” which, when you’re young, never seems to happen quickly enough.

But then you finally reach elusive adulthood, and it turns out to be much less rosy and fantastic than you envisioned it must be. Way back when you were still waiting to get on the fun rides at the amusement park, it seemed so UNFAIR to be small and held captive under the adult dictatorship. How much better it would be when YOU were in charge of your OWN life! And then, strangely, when the time comes to be in charge of your own life, things start fast-forwarding. Suddenly, there are all sorts of things to NOT look forward to – work deadlines, and endless piles of bills, and driving responsibly, and shopping for groceries, and perplexing weight gain, and unruly children (who are, no doubt, waiting for the moment they can break free of your grasp), and problems and illness and questions and debt… and everything flies by like a rolling snowball gaining speed down a mountain…

Whereas there used to seem like TOO much time stood between you and those milestones you were dreaming about, now it seems there is never ENOUGH time. Time hasn’t really changed… just the perception of time. But there’s good news this year – I just noticed, as I finally tacked my new 2008 calendar to the wall, that this is a leap year. That means we get an entire extra 24 hours! So 2008, no matter how imperceptibly, WILL be longer than 2007 was.

What should I do with all that extra time? Oh, I know – I think I’ll spend a day at an amusement park riding roller coasters… and I’ll tell all the little kids to enjoy those long, seemingly endless years while they have the chance…