Ugh… it’s rainy, dreary, cloudy… I think I’m supposed to be happy about this, because central Texas is in the middle of a drought… yeah, yeah… blah blah blah… when are we NOT in the middle of a drought? I just hope the phone doesn’t ring with the promise of more proofreading work. Not that I don’t appreciate the fact that my past employers were SO impressed with my work that they’ve kept me on their list of freelancers (they WERE impressed, right? Or do they just get desperate around annual report time? Well, you know what they say – don’t put a chicken in the basket when a horse is in a glass house because a penny saved means one extra gumball…).
Um, maybe you can’t tell, but I think I’m all worn out from the proofreading I did yesterday. My Proofreading Liaison emailed me Monday afternoon to ask if I could pick up a report or two Tuesday morning. So I made my way down to the bank building on 360 – which is actually sort of a nice drive when it’s dry and sunny. The office building is just past the 360 bridge, and some of the people who work there are lucky enough to have offices with big windows overlooking the bridge. (Back when I worked for them, they were in a different location, close to the interstate. So while I WAS lucky enough to have an office with a window, all I really saw was the entrance to our parking garage and the traffic on I-35.) So I arrived at the bank at 9:30 yesterday morning, and the receptionist handed me an accordion folder with two reports stuffed inside and a yellow sticky note on the front that exclaimed, “need these back today, ASAP!” (Argh! It’s the dreaded ASAP!)
As I was leaving the bank building, I was already doing the math in my head: Let’s see… I’ll get home around 10… start these right away… maybe finish the first one by 1 o’clock if I don’t take any breaks… and then finish the second by 4 if I immediately pick it up as soon as I’m done with the first… and then drive back down to the bank and back home in rush hour traffic… wait – what if I have to go to the bathroom? That’ll be five minutes I can never get back… maybe I could proofread in the bathroom… no, no… that’s just icky… how would YOU feel if someone handed you an annual report that had been proofed in a bathroom, Lisa?? Well, it's not like I'd actually have to TELL anyone... it would be a secret... no, no, no... it's not right. Okay, so the bathroom thing is out… I just won’t drink any water… darn it! I’m already drinking coffee! Alright, alright… I’ll skim over a few unimportant-looking paragraphs without reading them very thoroughly so I can fit in a couple bathroom breaks. I hope I don’t get hungry… I can’t eat… I mean, eating is just totally impossible – it takes too long to chew… HOW am I gonna get these things back TODAY???
Needless to say, when I finally did settle in to proofread the reports, I read those things more quickly than I’d ever read any annual report I’ve ever seen. It was like a proofreading sprint. I somehow managed to finish the first one in just under three hours, and the second one in two and a half. (I had to double-check the time when I was finished… I don’t know how I read that entire thing in two and a half hours…) I was able to leave my house at 3:45 to drive down to the bank in what was turning into a rainy, soggy mess. And with all the rain and traffic it took longer to get down there than usual, but when I walked into the bank and the receptionist saw me, her face lit up and she said, “oh thank God!” and then she picked up the phone to tell my Proofreading Liaison that I had returned. I could hear her on the other end of the phone: “is she here??” And the receptionist answered, “she’s here!!” And all I could think was, why isn’t EVERYONE this happy to see me? I mean, really… usually when I show up somewhere, the best response I get is, “oh… hey… it’s you…” Rarely do people actually thank God that I’ve arrived… and frankly, it's about time someone DID.
Anyway… after yesterday, I feel all proofreaded out. Yes, I said proofreaded. So I think I’ll just stare out the window at the dreary rain… it’s easy on the eyes…
On a completely different subject – did anyone watch American Idol last night? I think this year’s group is a little more boring than usual. And, as some of the reviewers of the show have pointed out, the judges are starting to get a little out-of-touch with modern popular music. Last night was “Diana Ross” night, where everyone had to choose a Diana Ross song to perform. And a couple of the guys actually took the initiative to “update” the old songs and give them a more modern sound. Curly-haired Chris even took “Endless Love” (an unbelievably annoying song, if you ask me…) and made it sound good. But the judges hated it, because he tried to “modernize” it. C’mon, give the guy a break – he took a song with horrible saccharine lyrics like, “two hearts, two hearts that beat as one, our lives have just begun… forever, I’ll hold you close in my arms, I can’t resist your charm” (words that were obviously written by a fifteen year-old with a crush on someone in geometry class…) and sang it in a way that did NOT cause me to throw up from the sappy sweetness. He sounded great – the judges should’ve loved it.
But Rick and I think we’ve come up with a solution – they need to replace the current judges with a younger group. Now, I suggested Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce, but I think I like Rick’s suggestions better: Britney Spears, Snoop Dogg and Eminem. I can already hear what this panel of judges would sound like after one of the American Idol contestants sang a great rendition of some song:
Britney Spears: Oh wow! Y’all! That was so good, y’all! Ugh… this wig is itchy…
Snoop Dogg: Yo. Fo shizzle. Be real, yo.
Eminem: You #%$* that #&^(#.
And of course, they would also comment when someone sang poorly:
Britney Spears: Aawwww… y’aaaall. You sounded like Kevin. I need a drink…
Snoop Dogg: Yo yo – no no no. Gangstas be bustin’a cap in the televizzle. Drop it like it’s hot.
Eminem: You #%$* that #&^(#.
Well, it would make the show more interesting, right? And you’ve gotta admit – NO one makes up words like Snoop Dogg…
3 comments:
I actually agree with you, Lisa. I enjoyed Chris Sligh's arrangement - even moreso than the arrangements of the other two guys. I enjoyed the way Chris changed the chord progressions and rhythm patterns. I even liked how he modifed the melody line. I thought it was cool and memorable. In fact I was humming pieces of it the next day and so I'd say it was pretty darn effective as far as leaving the listener with a "hook." I was shocked at how critical the judges were – all of them – it was kinda crazy. At least they should have given him some credit for taking a chance and “making the song your own” as they love to repeat ad nauseam. They were all really too hard on him and I think if they listened to it again, they'd likely have more favorable comments. They really missed it with Chris...agreed.
I love the ideas you and Rick came up with for potential new judges. I can imagine with Snoop Dawg and the gang only a slight drop off in verbal agility compared to that of the current cast of judges...Simon not so much included...although, intelligence and good verbal communication just seems easier to ascribe to people with distinct British accents. Ever notice that? These Britons could actually be as dumb as rock, knowing only a few tens of words and someone they sound smarter than they actually are. Weird. Well, last night all the judges were dumb…Simon included. Chris is safe as of tonight’s result show so he’ll probably live to resurrect another lame classic only to be disparaged by the judges again.
I should have proofreaded my comment. I misspelled Snoop Dogg and I meant to say SOMEHOW they sound smarter than they actually are, not SOMEONE they sound smarter...stupid spell check, doesn't catch stuff like this.
That's okay -- half the time I post stuff without re-reading it, and then later on I'll notice a mistake and quickly edit it and repost, in the hopes that no one has read it yet. :)
And yeah, I know what you mean about the British accents. They do seem to add an air of intelligence to anything uttered. Why is that? Why do we associate intelligence with British accents? Like just because someone says "lift" instead of "elevator," they automatically have a well-read collection of Shakespearean literature at home and can recite the entire periodic table from memory? Yeah, that's just weird...
And it's a rare night that Paula Abdul can actually string together an entire sentence. (Seriously, what is UP with her?) So, you know, SHE'S obviously not British... :)
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