I finally have some proofreading work today, so I thought I would describe to everyone what it’s like to run through one of these 40-page annual reports. So here’s my proofreading play-by-play (hey, give me a break… I didn’t have time to write anything too wonderfully creative today, okay?):
10:45 am – Do I have all my necessary proofreading supplies? Let’s see… red pen? Check. Coffee? Check. Internet browser with page opened to an AP style guide? Check. Internet browser with page opened to dictionary.com in case I need to check the spelling of a word (even though I can never again trust dictionary.com because of their completely blasé attitude toward words that don’t exist)? Check. Okay, I’m ready to go…
11:10 am – Something I’ve always been curious about: Why is “PricewaterhouseCoopers” one great big long word? If it was, in fact, formed by a merger between Price Waterhouse and Coopers and Lybrand, then why is it not “Price Waterhouse Coopers” or “Price, Waterhouse, Coopers and Lybrand”? It’s just weird… I feel like I should be making some sort of correction to “PricewaterhouseCoopers”…
11:47 am – You know, there are some words in these reports that I just never get tired of reading… like “dividends” and “patronage” and “amortization” and “jointly and severally liable” and “methodology”… wait a second… those are the words I get tired of reading as soon as I’m on page three…
12:05 pm – This particular report is for a bank in Louisiana, and I just read a paragraph about how Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita caused damage to many borrowers’ property, “as a result of the high winds, rain and storm surge of salt water.” Okay, really, is it necessary to explain what caused the damage? I mean, if we hear about damage after a hurricane, are we going to think, “hmmm… I wonder what caused THAT damage…” Is someone going to assume it was from a freak earthquake that just happened to hit at the same time? Too bad I’m not allowed to rewrite these things…
12:06 pm – And why are counties in Louisiana called “parishes”? I’ve always wondered about that…
12:35 pm – Just spent ten minutes trying to decide if “mid-to-late 1980s” should include those hyphens. I don’t think it should. I think “mid to late 1980s” is the way to go. That took WAY too long to figure out…
12:49 pm – Argh! It’s my pet peeve word “utilize.” I hate the word “utilize.” It’s just as bad as “comfortability.” Because it means the same thing as “use,” except it’s unnecessarily long and annoying. Just like “comfortability” means the same thing as “comfort.” Hey – ten bucks for the first person to write a decent sentence including both “utilize” and “comfortability.” (Just kidding… I’m not really gonna give anyone money… but maybe a stack of Post-it notes, or a piece of string cheese or something…)
1:09 pm – Oh good, I’ve finally gotten to the “interesting” part of the annual report: the little bio blurbs of the board of directors. I get to read about where they went to school and what sort of committees they serve on and all the different kinds of crops and/or animals they raise. Just for fun, I should count how many times I read the word “soybean.” Seriously, this is as interesting as it gets…
1:35 pm – Final “soybean” count: five.
2:06 pm – I’m hungry… I wonder if I have any soybeans…
2:45 pm – No soybeans, but I did have a few crackers with soybean OIL in the list of ingredients. Those soybeans are in everything…
2:47 pm – Uh oh, Allegro has found me, and she’s decided that I need help with this proofreading thing. Therefore, she has planted herself firmly on top of the pages I’ve already proofed, perhaps as an indication that she’d like to peruse them herself… or maybe as an indication that she’s hoping I’ll pull out a can of tuna some time soon. (Ha! No chance of THAT happening…)
3:01 pm – I just read an entire page full of sentences like, “the allowance for loan losses is maintained at a level considered adequate by management to provide for probable losses inherent in the loan portfolio” and “revised estimates to the fair value less cost to sell are reported as adjustments to the carrying amount of the asset, provided that such adjusted value is not in excess of the carrying amount at acquisition.” And I didn’t find one mistake. Not one. Is that bad? Did I miss something? I mean, the entire page is covered with financial gibberish, so isn’t it possible that my eyes sort of glazed over and I accidentally skipped some kind of obvious, glaring error?? Oh, what am I saying… it’s not like anyone ELSE is actually gonna sit down and READ this thing…
3:29 pm – Okay, I’m pretty sure my mind is playing tricks on me, because I could’ve sworn I just skimmed over a recipe for Swedish meatballs… pretty sure that doesn’t belong in the middle of an annual report…
3:48 pm – Whoa… wait, no… okay, no, everything’s fine. I’m fine. I thought I saw the word “comfortability” but I re-read it and realized it was just the word “and.” I should take breaks more often when I’m reading these things…
4:19 pm – Two more pages to go… but it doesn’t really matter, because I stopped reading a long time ago. Right now I’m just writing "Lisa rules" in big block letters in red pen in the middle of every page…
4:29 pm – One report down, who-knows-how-many to go. Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? :)
3 comments:
Oh my gosh...baseball can't start soon enough.
12:06 pm – And why are counties in Louisiana called “parishes”? I’ve always wondered about that…
Hey, I know the answer to this. I asked my dad about this when I was like 15 or so. You see, my dad was born and raised in Central Louisiana and often our family would travel to see relatives there and along the way while peering outside the car window, I would see these navy blue signs with faded yellow lettering naming various parishes that we drove in and out of. Here’s how the conversation basically went as far as I can recall.
(Note: This conversation probably occurred somewhere after seven hours of car travel while stuck in the back seat with my brother and twin sister. By this point I was completely bored out of my skull and ready to snap. I had finished The Hobbit and had played my Huey Louis and The News cassette about five times already. (I had one of those bright yellow Sony Walkman players.) At this point, I had nothing better to do than to stare out the window, count cows or imagine all the weird things living inside the passing Louisiana wooded landscape.)
Nick: “Dad, what’s a parish?”
Dad: “It’s a county.”
Nick: “Oh, ok…well…why don’t you just call them counties then?”
Dad: “Because we like to call them parishes.”
Nick: “Dad…why?”
Dad: “We’ve always called them parishes…something to do with the French and the Catholics and how they influenced us. It’s basically means that a group of people are taken care of by a pastor and the area where these people live is called a parish”
Nick: “Oh, cool…(more cow counting)
Nick: “How much longer ‘til we’re there?”
Mom: “Shhh, Nick…I’m trying to sleep and you’re too loud”
So, that was when I first learned what a parish was. Later, at UT, while reading Chaucer or doing research on something I think, I put two and two together and things made more sense. I saw how the words “parish” and “parishioner” and “pastor” were all related. And I remembered what my Dad said about the parishes in Louisiana. It all made sense.
I did some research tonight to make sure I was on the right track and I read that parishes are basically “districts” where a pastor or priest has the authority and responsibility of a community of people. The type in Louisiana is now referred to as a “civil parish” and basically acts / governs itself in the same way as a county does. They just continue to call them parishes mainly out of tradition. Like my Dad said though, the designation of the word parish has its roots in the European Catholic Church when parishes were more formal subdivisions of dioceses and such.
Anyway, so there you go Lisa.
Now ask me why some States in America officially refer to themselves as “State of…” and why others refer themselves as “Commonwealth of… (Virginia, Kentucky, Massachusetts)
Oh and last thing. Jordan’s 3rd grade class is doing a State Fair at school. Each student was assigned a different state. Guess which state Jordan was assigned? Did you guess it? New Jersey! That’s right. He made a salt dough map of the state and learned many factoids. Did you know that New Jersey has something like 14 lighthouses along its coastline which I think he said are some the oldest and most famous in America? Not sure on that, I’ll have to check. Cool.
Ooops, there I go again. Another marathon comment. Sorry.
Well, now it makes sense why there are so many "Saint" parishes in Louisiana -- St. Martin, St. Mary, St. James, St. Helena, St. John the Baptist, St. Tammany...
That's cool that Jordan got New Jersey! I hope he will now always remember that New Jersey is not a big giant concrete parking lot or oil refinery. :)
Post a Comment