Weirdest piece of mail ever...

So we got the mail on our way back from lunch today, and in addition to this month’s issue of National Geographic and the usual bills and ads, there was a small, nondescript envelope in the box. The return address was some place called the “Neptune Society.” And on the front, in cheerful blue script, the envelope offered a “free pre-paid cremation!” (Um, I’m sorry – did you say free pre-paid cremation?) I had to read it a couple times to make sure I hadn’t misread. Like maybe it said something about a free pre-paid coffeemaker… or free ice cream? Crayons? Cranberries? Creamsicles? No… nope… it was definitely cremation…

So I opened the envelope and read about how cremation is becoming a more popular funeral choice for Americans, and this “Neptune Society” holds a drawing every month for a free cremation. Last month’s winner was some guy named Albert England (who may or may not continue to live among us on this mortal plane…). And apparently Rick (as it was addressed to Rick) could be this month’s winner! Hooray cremation! (The fact that “free pre-paid cremation!” ends with an exclamation point is somewhat disturbing to me…) I’m still trying to figure out why this organization is called the “Neptune Society.” Neptune is the Roman god of the sea… what does that have to do with funerals and cremation? Unless it’s an allusion to the fact that some people request their ashes be scattered at sea… scattered at sea with Neptune…

My favorite part of this bizarre little mailing is a bit of fine print at the end which reads, “please accept our apologies if this letter has reached you at a time of serious illness or death in your family.” Because I guess winning a free cremation is only fun when you don’t actually NEED it… :)