30-minute post...

So the other day when I was in that Borders bookstore looking for the meaning of “Chindogu,” I also browsed through the cooking section. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular – I just like to try new things once in a while, so I wouldn’t mind finding some sort of unusual cookbook with some interesting recipes. As I passed by various titles (“1000 Indian Recipes” – yum, that sounds good… “The Biggest Loser Cookbook” – well, the recipes might be good, but do I really want to feel ridiculed by my cookbook? “The Cheese-Lovers Cookbook” – hey, I know what dad is getting for Christmas!) I found myself in the middle aisle, next to a table piled with books by a single author – Rachel Ray.

And I suddenly realized, as I shuddered at the sight of those books, that Rachel Ray is my Matthew McConaughey. Now, for anyone who hasn’t already heard, Eric REALLY doesn’t like Matthew McConaughey. I mean, he can NOT stand that guy. If you show Eric a picture of Matthew McConaughey, he might very well rip it out of your hands and shred it to bits. Or, if he happens to be near a fireplace in Montana, he’ll just burn it:


Yes, he really WAS burning a People magazine with Matthew McConaughey on the cover. And, if you ask me, he was relishing the experience just a bit too much. Pyromaniac…

And it’s not like there’s any real reason why Eric dislikes Matthew McConaughey so much. I mean, sure, Matthew McConaughey WAS in that horrible movie “Contact”… a movie which should be forever relegated to the bargain DVD bins at Best Buy. But hey, he was also in, um… uh… wait a second, I’ll think of something… uuuhhhhhh… okay, truthfully, I’ve got nothing… But regardless – is a lackluster movie career reason enough to hate the guy so much?

Anyway, like I was saying – Rachel Ray is MY Matthew McConaughey. Because for some reason, I can’t stand her. She annoys me to no end. The mere sight of her picture on the cover of cookbook after cookbook in the middle of Borders made me want to knock over the table on which they were perched. And I’m not sure WHY I dislike her so much. Maybe it’s because she has an irritating habit of saying the word “delish” about five times during every one of her shows… maybe it’s because she maddeningly calls extra virgin olive oil “E-V-O-O – extra virgin olive oil” (yes, she says it in its entirety every time she pulls the bottle out) instead of simply saying “olive oil” or even “EVOO”… maybe it’s because she’s loud and obnoxious and has this bizarre way of over-pronouncing half the words she uses (“I LLLLOOOVVVE garlic!! It’s SO GOOD!!! I LLLLOOOOOVVVE it!!!!”)… or maybe it’s just because her so-called “30-minute meals” would actually take the average person a good hour to cook.

The point is, there’s no really good reason for why I can’t stand Rachel Ray – just like there’s no really good reason for why Eric hates Matthew McConaughey. But as long as pictures of both of them continue to exist, we’ll have plenty of fires to keep us warm in Montana…