Think about it...

So I had this weird dream the other night. I can’t really remember most of it, but one thing stuck in my mind long after I’d woken up – for some reason, an old, wise stranger (perhaps a guru of some sort) said to me, “once you stop thinking so much, you’ll know what to do.” Now, that may not make sense to most people, but to me, it made perfect sense. I am the queen of thinking… or, rather, of OVERthinking… of overanalyzing every situation and every relationship and every choice I have to make. I think about the possible consequences of everything I do – as if I’m playing a giant life-sized chess game, and I’m desperate to avoid hearing my opponent say “checkmate”…

When I’m driving, I observe all the drivers around me and wonder if they’ll suddenly change lanes or hit their brakes… or I wonder if that poorly-secured truckload of boxes will fly out and hit my car. I plan out my route far in advance – if I know I need to be in the right lane, I’ll get over with plenty of time to spare… instead of hoping someone will let me in at the last second, as seems to be the norm with most drivers. When I email people and don’t receive a prompt reply, I spend too much time wondering if I said something I shouldn’t have, or if they’ve decided I’m too boring to carry on a conversation with, or if they’re mad at me for something I did in the past that I can no longer remember… when I SHOULD simply be assuming the lack of correspondence is a result of busy lives, or piles of other emails, or simply an unfamiliarity with the fine art of writing (because it IS an art, you know… you think this stuff is easy? :)).

I think about my life, in general… about things that happened in the past I wish I could change – knowing full well I can’t. But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about those things. And I think about what I’m doing now, and what I SHOULD be doing now, and whether I’m doing it all the right way, or if I’m doing everything wrong...

My overanalyzing tendencies even carry over into the mundane – like grocery shopping. It takes far too long for me to decide on an onion, for instance. I’ll pick them up, one by one, making nonsensical excuses for why each is not worthy of my basket. Perhaps it’s a bit of dirt, or a discoloration, or a funny shape – whatever the excuse, eventually I realize that NONE of the onions are perfect, and I must simply choose one if I ever want to add it to my pile of produce.

And since the things we dream are generated by our own minds, it’s interesting to me that my own mind was telling me not to think so much. It’s a strange kind of paradox – my mind thinks, yet my mind is telling me NOT to think too much. And of course, in TELLING me not to think too much, it was forming yet another thought. Think about it too long, and it starts to make you crazy… except I shouldn’t be thinking about it so much in the first place. (See? Crazy…) I guess that dream was my mind’s way of saying, “just give me a break once in a while, will ya?”

And keeping with that, um, thought, the next time I’m at the grocery store, I’m just going to pick up the first onion I see and buy it… maybe…