In preparation for our trip to Hawaii, Rick decided he needed new sunglasses. Actually, that’s not entirely fair – Rick decided he needed new sunglasses when he dropped his old sunglasses and broke them. The trip to Hawaii just provided a good excuse to actually go ahead and spend the money. So last week we went to the new outlet mall and browsed through Sunglass Hut. While Rick was looking for a pair to replace the broken ones, I tried on a few pairs myself – mostly the ones with purple frames and lenses. (There are a remarkable number of purple-framed, purple-lensed sunglasses out there…). And I realized something after the fourth or fifth pair: I have an amazingly tiny little head.
It seems like those big, oversized, “Jackie O”-type sunglasses are really popular right now. And I’ve seen plenty of girls wearing them and pulling off the look quite easily. But every pair I try on makes me look like I’m a little girl playing dress-up in my mom’s closet – I might as well throw on a big floppy hat, a dress that’s four sizes too big, and a long string of pearls. And it’s not just the purposely oversized sunglasses that look huge on me – it’s pretty much the majority of sunglasses out there. Sometimes I WISH I could carry off that huge-lens, bug-eyed sunglasses look, but as my browsing the other day proved to me – it’s just not gonna happen. Unless I go all Barry Bonds with the steroids and wait for my head to expand. (What? Of course I’ve never used steroids! I don’t know WHY my head is so big now compared to ten years ago…)
It’s just weird to me that my head seems so small when I’m trying on sunglasses. I mean, I don’t think I’m a particularly tiny person. Pretty average, I’d say. Average height. Less than average weight, fortunately, thanks to the ever-expanding waistline of the American fast-food consumer – I just read that the average weight of American women right now is 155. I weigh less than 155, and that’s all I’m saying about that. Actually, I feel compelled to say that I weigh a LOT less than 155… what is it with women and weight? Why must it be such an obsession? If I weigh a lot less than the average, then I want to make sure people KNOW I weigh a lot less than the average. That’s just sad… it shouldn’t matter. Well, except for the fact that I DO work hard to maintain what little “physique” I have managed to form. So yes, I feel that I am entitled to a bit of pride in that respect – it’s not always easy to be disciplined.
But none of this explains my tiny little head and the fact that sunglasses look much too big on me. Nicole Richie wears those giant sunglasses all the time, and she’s the size of a popsicle stick. Of course, they do look rather ridiculous on her. I guess I just have a genetic predisposition for “small cranium.” Needless to say, I didn’t end up buying any sunglasses last week. I just couldn’t find any that looked right on me – and besides, I have several perfectly good pairs of sunglasses already. Small sunglasses. With little bitty frames. But all of this makes me wonder – if I have such a little head, does that mean I have a small brain, too?
Nah – I think most people just have a lot more empty space up there. :)
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