It’s been rather warm here the last few days, so my pool has at last achieved the elusive perfect temperature of 87. This means I’ll probably be spending more time outside, and, no doubt, will soon have a lovely golden tan. Okay, that’s a lie. I’ve never really been able to “tan” per se. Seriously, talk about elusive…
Actually, that’s not entirely true, either. When I was a kid living in Buffalo, we had the only house on the block with an in-ground pool in the backyard. Or at least I have to ASSUME we were the only house on the block with a pool – because every other kid in the neighborhood spent their summers in my backyard. I don’t even think that pool was heated – which once again supports my theory that kids don’t care about that kind of stuff as much as adults do. Buffalo doesn’t see too many 100 degree days… the elusive 87 probably remained quite elusive. I doubt very much that pool water ever got very far above 80 degrees. But that didn’t stop the entire neighborhood from jumping off our diving board…
I remember I was very prone to ear infections when I was young (maybe because of all the swimming?) and if I had one, I wasn’t allowed in the water. Which would seem so unfair to me – especially when half the children in the neighborhood were happily frolicking in MY pool, in MY backyard. I wanted to send them all home to play in their bald patches of grass and dirt. But, vindictive jealousy aside, even with an ear infection I could still lay out in the sun on a towel. And I’m absolutely certain, in the middle of those lukewarm Buffalo summers, that I was tan. I’m sure there must be photographic evidence somewhere…
But these days, I can’t seem to develop much in the way of deeper-pigmented melanin. The crazy thing is, as pale as I am, I really don’t even BURN very easily. It’s as if my skin is imbued with some sort of organic SPF. Rick often jokes that I need to donate some of my skin cells to science, so they can create a new “super SPF.” It would be like SPF Lisa – “It provides as much sun protection as Lisa’s own skin!” That stuff would fly off the shelves. There’ve been so many times when I was outside with other people – when the sun was shining brightly and shade was hard to come by – and everyone else would be getting burned. I’d be surrounded by red noses and red arms and red legs… and then me – blindingly white skin impervious to the assault of UVA and UVB rays. That’s not to say I absolutely DON’T ever burn – but usually, in order for me to get any kind of sunburn, it has to be a very hot day, and I have to be outside in direct sunlight for a few hours. (Unlike Rick, who gets burned after about fifteen minutes in the sun… twenty minutes in the shade…)
So the “very few sunburns” thing is a plus, but it means that if I want a tan, I also have to be outside in direct sunlight for hours on end. I can’t imagine, even with my inborn sunblock, that hours of irradiation is a good thing. So there are summers where my “tan” is really more of a suggestion of a tan. I consider myself “tan” once I’ve gone from pasty-white to off-white. Beige, if you will.
So I think perhaps beige should be the new tan. Instead of saying, “hey, nice tan,” we should say, “hey, nice beige.” Because then I’ll feel like I’m somewhat normal. I’m going outside by the pool to work on my beige…
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