It's time...

My friend Faisal is getting married tomorrow. And when people get married, I believe it’s customary to tell embarrassing stories about them in the presence of their friends and family. But since I will not actually be there for the wedding, I’ll have to do the next best thing – tell an embarrassing story on my blog. :)

So here’s a story I’ll call, “How Faisal Almost Missed the Boat.” It was several years ago, and a whole group of us were on a cruise in Alaska. Mom and dad, me and Rick, I think Eric and Debbie were there, maybe Dave, my second-favorite brother Eric, and Faisal. We were in a little town (a little town – is there any other kind in Alaska?) called Skagway, where we were able to take a scenic three-hour train ride through the mountains. The train took up the better part of our day in town, but some of us had noticed earlier that “downtown” Skagway had a Starbucks. This was huge news in Alaska. It would probably be our only opportunity to get Starbucks coffee for the rest of the week. The only problem was, the ship was leaving at 5:00, and our train ride didn’t return to town until about 4:00. No matter – we concocted a plan to jump off the train when it stopped near town (as opposed to riding it all the way back to the ship), running in to the Starbucks, getting our coffee, and then running back to the ship in time for the 4:30 “all aboard.”

Yes, you see, even though the ship was leaving our port at 5:00, all the passengers on the ship were required to be on board by 4:30. Cruise ships are very strict about this – they’ve been known to quite frequently leave people stuck in ports of call if they don’t make it back to the ship early enough. And if that happens, it’s up to the poor, stranded passenger to pay for some sort of transportation to the next port of call. My mom – who loves to have a schedule for everything – likes the planned order of a cruise ship, and always follows it to the letter. So she was probably a bit nervous as we jumped off the train in downtown Skagway that summer afternoon, knowing we had barely a half hour to find the Starbucks, stand in line for coffee, and rush all the way back to the ship.

But not all of us were coffee drinkers – Faisal doesn’t like coffee, so he decided to skip the Starbucks, opting instead to shop for souvenirs. He went one way, the rest of us went another… we got our coffee from the surprisingly busy Starbucks (everyone in Alaska had to go to THAT Starbucks), and then began to power walk back to the ship. I looked around at the group – okay, I could see Eric and Eric a little way behind me… Debbie was there… Rick was struggling to keep up with me (I can walk really fast when I want to…), Dave was around somewhere… and… uh… Faisal? Where was Faisal? Wait – maybe he was ahead of us… couldn’t see him… no Faisal… maybe he was already back on board…

As we approached the ship, at 4:30 on the dot, I could see my mom standing at the bottom of the gangway, waving us toward the ship like we were marathon runners about to cross the finish line. She did not look happy… we were obviously cutting it a little too close. But we made it. And we had Starbucks coffee. High fives all around. But wait a second – where was Faisal?? No one had seen him… This was the point, no doubt, when mom began to panic. I remember her dressed in Shakespearean costume, the back of her hand dramatically posed over her forehead, uttering, “oh woe is me! For curse-ed lateness hath appear-ed in our midst. I shan’t abide this wretched blight!” Yeah, mom can be really dramatic when she wants to be. (Just kidding, mom. :))

The rest of us sprang into action – Eric and Eric ran back down the gangway, searching the pier for any sign of Faisal, ready to fake seizures or heart attacks so the ship would be unable to leave. Dad and I, the only people who ever WILLINGLY take flights of stairs on a regular basis, ran up and down the ship’s decks, glancing down hallways and peering into lounges, in case Faisal did, in fact, make it back to the ship without anyone seeing him. Every few floors, I would pause at one of the phones in the hallway and call his cabin. After about six calls with no answer, and an entire perusal of the first through thirteenth decks on that side of the ship, it became apparent that Faisal was not on board the ship.

Back at the gangway, mom had moved on to scenes from “King Lear,” and, for some reason, the crew hadn’t dragged Eric and Eric back onto the ship yet. When I looked around, I suddenly realized why. There was a boy, probably about twelve years old, also standing near the door to the gangway. A boy by himself. A boy whose parents were still out there in Skagway somewhere. An unaccompanied MINOR. This was good. This was very good. I mean, not for the boy, of course. Obviously his neglectful parents didn’t care about him. Poor thing. But it was great for Faisal, because it meant the ship couldn’t leave until that kid’s parents were back.

About 4:45, one of the Erics spotted Faisal ambling down the pier. We all gathered at the door of the gangway, arms waving, mom yelling (“thou art vanquished, miserable lateness!”)… and Faisal? Well, Faisal was what can only be described as “strolling” down the pier. Quite calmly and casually, really. When he was finally safely on board the ship, confused by all of our drama, he explained that he thought the passengers needed to be back on board the ship by 5:00. He didn’t realize the ship was supposed to actually LEAVE at 5:00. So at 4:45, he not only didn’t realize he was late, but he thought he was EARLY – hence the casual strolling. All I can say is thank goodness that abandoned little boy had such neglectful parents who would leave him all alone on a cruise ship in the middle of Alaska. Otherwise, my parents, no doubt, would’ve been trying to figure out the best way to tell Faisal’s family that he would be involuntarily living somewhere on the Alaskan tundra for a while.

So, Faisal, if you’re reading this (like you have time…) I wish you all the best… and might I suggest that you show up about a half hour early for your wedding? You know, just in case… :)

Yep, we all made it back in time to see the glaciers...