Are you wearing THOSE jeans with THAT couch?

Our power was out for almost five hours this morning. A couple thunderstorms moved in around six or seven, and I listened to the thunder rumbling and the much-needed rain pelting the windows. And then I heard a different sort of rumble – the sound of a transformer somewhere off in the distance throwing up its hands in surrender to a lightning strike. Fortunately, all the rain had cooled off the temperatures outside, so the fact that the air conditioner wasn’t working didn’t matter much. So I was able to comfortably hang out on the couch reading a book for a couple hours, thinking about how people “way back when” managed to find ways to amuse themselves without electricity. Of course, as soon as the power was back on, the first thing I did was run for my computer to check my email… (well, I didn’t actually “run”… it was more of a fast walk…)

Speaking of bygone eras, I have to ask a question – who is responsible for the recent horrifying revival of 80’s fashion? Most disturbing in this trend is the resurgence of the so-called “skinny jean,” which is popping up in ads for Gap and Old Navy, and plastered on the pages of the Victoria’s Secret catalog. Skinny jeans, for anyone who hasn’t seen them, are a sort of ridiculous half jean/half legging hybrid. And contrary to their name, they do anything BUT make the wearer appear “skinny.” In fact, unless you happen to be six feet tall and barely weigh more than a hundred pounds, they tend to make you look like you’ve been gorging yourself on brownies and ice cream and fettuccini alfredo…

There are very few fashion trends from the 80’s that should be resurrected. I can remember being an awkward junior high/high schooler, gazing in bewilderment at the fads I was supposed to embrace just because everyone else was succumbing to them. Neon socks? Giant shoulder pads? Poofy, lacquered hair? One of the trends I could never understand was the inexplicable practice of wearing those “skinny jeans” with the ankles tucked into a pair of big slouchy neon socks. What?? I can only hope that, at the very least, those neon socks died an absolute, final death and will never again resurface…

It’s funny how some of the fashion trends from certain eras have been able to translate well into decent updates, but others never really look quite right. The bohemian look of the 60’s still works pretty well, with peasant skirts and layers of beads… the bell-bottoms of the 70’s have morphed into the much-more-flattering low-rise bootcut jeans and flare jeans… but the 80’s – well, I think the 80’s should’ve been allowed to slink off into the history books and STAY there.

And it’s not just clothing styles that change throughout the years – I was recently looking at some old pictures at my parents’ house, from when I was a toddler. And I have to ask – why would anyone ever decide that avocado green was a GOOD color choice for kitchen appliances? I mean, really, shouldn’t it be obvious that black or white or stainless steel would be better choices? They’re neutral, they go with everything, and they don’t scream, “hey, did you see that scene in The Exorcist where Linda Blair’s head spins around and she vomits pea soup?”

Furniture upholstery was a little bizarre, too. One of the pictures I found was of me sitting on mom and dad’s couch, which was covered with this extremely busy brown and gold and green pattern. It was hard to tell from the photo what was on the couch upholstery, exactly, but I think there were people, and maybe animals, and perhaps some famous landmarks. It was as if someone just took a couch and covered it with randomness – like an 18th century king in a powdered wig, and the Golden Gate bridge, and a duck, and a girl with an umbrella, and a cow, and the Eiffel Tower. Just a big nonsensical pattern, strewn all over the couch in brown and gold and green.

Fortunately, upholstery seems to have been simplified (good for anyone who wants to nap on the couch – how could you sleep with all that craziness on the cushions?). And I refuse to give in to the revamped “skinny jean” fad this time. After all, I’m no longer constantly surrounded by peers who consider any small superficial difference reason to ridicule. Now, if someone wants to start a trend of eating chocolate with every meal, I’ll be all over that…