Oh, Samantha Brown...

Why must you torment me with visions of constant travel? I am sure you have an actual HOME somewhere, yet I continue to imagine that your entire life is spent in exiting, exotic locales. I find it hard to believe that you ever pop into a Target for light bulbs and toilet paper. No, no -- you're too occupied with browsing selections of French perfume and Belgian chocolates to concentrate on such trivialities...

Your latest recap of your Greek island exploration made me quite jealous... And then I remembered that I, too, have been to several Greek islands. And, in fact, I've been to a few places that haven't even been mentioned in any of your travel shows. I mean, hey, I haven't done so bad for myself:

I have pondered the cobblestoned streets of Mykonos as Nick pondered the photographer...

I have clambered over Greek ruins, and walked on slippery marble streets...

I have been berated by a taxi driver in Athens for exposing my white, white skin to the harsh Athenian sun... ("I hope you have strong SPF," he said in his thick Greek accent, to no one but me...)

I've (very briefly) hung out in Asia along the Bosporus Strait...

As someone took clandestine pictures of me when I wasn't looking...

I have considered passing out in the warm, stifling Blue Mosque from lack of food and water...

And then thought better of it, and stayed conscious so I could observe its beauty...

I've peeked into the Library at Ephesus (they were all out of books)...

And watched Professor Dumbledore cast a spell in Croatia...

I even got my hair to do some cool, model-y windblown thing in Venice...

And, of course, I've had coffee:

And more coffee:

And really weird, dorky coffee:

So it's not like I haven't been anywhere or done anything.

But just once, Samantha, could you do a show about shopping for light bulbs and toilet paper?? It would just make me feel better about my mostly mundane life. Thanks. :)