So I was watching that James Bond movie “Octopussy” last night. I’ve seen that movie many times, and I’m always a little disturbed when the title character is explaining to Bond how her father was fascinated with octopi – “his pet name for me was Octopussy.” Uh, huh? What? Your DAD called you that? I just, um, WHAT? Wait – did you say – WHAT? I mean, I get the whole “Bond girls have ridiculously suggestive names” thing, but with most of the Bond films, you can sort of imagine that they created those names themselves… or perhaps some really weird ex-boyfriends bestowed such monikers on them. Whatever. All that is certain is that those Bond girls were NOT born with those names, and those names certainly weren’t created by their parents. But the obvious suggestive nature of Bond girl names wasn’t my point anyway…
Today I happened to be browsing through the Forbes Traveler website, which often has these slideshows of “bests” – like right now you can find a list of the “World’s Best Hotel Swimming Pools” and the “Best Pet-Friendly Hotels in the U.S.” You can also find lists of the top hotels by region, like this list of the best hotels in India.
India has never actually been high on my list of places to visit. Not that I wouldn’t love to go there – but every time I hear about someone who’s been to visit India, the words “really sick” seem to pop up at some point:
“Did you hear that Mr. So-and-So went to India?”
“No – how did he like it?”
“Oh, he got really sick and had to come back early.”
I’ve heard the “so-and-so went to India and got really sick” story so many times, I’m starting to think it’s an unfortunate inevitability. Is it just a given that if you visit India, you’ll end up in some sort of gastrointestinal distress? And if it IS inevitable, why is that? Is it the food? The water? If it’s the food and the water, why aren’t the people who LIVE there sick all the time? Are visitors just eating any old thing off the street? Do they drink from puddles on the sidewalk? Do really malevolent Indians set out big barrels of palak paneer in the sun for hours and then offer bowls to unsuspecting tourists?
And what does any of this have to do with the fact that I was watching Octopussy last night? I’ll tell you… it’s because one of Forbes’ top hotel picks in India was this one, which was used during the filming of the James Bond movie. And it’s hotels like this that would make me rethink my slight aversion to Indian travel. I mean, surely a hotel of this caliber would understand things like proper cooking temperatures and the fine art of water purification, right? So could it, in fact, be totally within the realm of possibility to travel to India and have a perfectly lovely, food-poison-free visit?
James Bond, of course, doesn’t exactly reflect reality. In addition to the previously-mentioned improbable Bond girl names, the movie I watched last night was a like a study in Indian stereotypes. There was actually a scene where Bond happened upon a street corner on which were crammed a turban-bedecked group consisting of Guy Walking on Hot Coals, Guy on Bed of Nails, Sword Swallowing Guy, and Snake Charmer Guy. Bond, of course, wreaked havoc on the entire scene, before running back to that cool hotel in the middle of the lake. Which is probably a great place to run back to once you’ve wreaked havoc.
Reality or not, I have to figure if it’s good enough for James Bond, it would be good enough for me…
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