There are times when I wonder whether the things I think about are totally unique to me, or if other people out there think about them, too. For instance, I was driving down the road the other day, and I had a sudden overwhelming feeling of invisibility. Now, obviously the logical part of my mind understands the irrationality of such a thought. I can not, under any circumstance, become invisible. I do not own a magic Harry Potter cloak, and I know that no such cloak exists. And yet, as I stopped at a red light with dozens of other cars and drivers surrounding me, I couldn’t help but wonder how I could be certain they were seeing me.
And this wasn’t the first time I’d questioned my own ability to be seen. This thought crosses my mind quite often when I’m driving alone (although strangely, never when I’m driving with someone else – it’s as if I realize that whoever I’m driving with is definitely visible, so I assume everyone else must realize it, as well). I’ve also felt the “am I invisible?” vibe in places like crowded movie theaters and the mall – anywhere large groups of people gather, giving me the chance to observe them, while simultaneously questioning my own ability to be observed. Maybe it’s because I don’t WANT to be observed – so it’s simply some sort of wishful thinking on my part. I WISH I could walk through crowds unseen, and peruse items in stores without salespeople bothering me, and go for a stroll through my neighborhood and not be suspiciously curious about the laughter of small groups of children I pass (are they laughing at ME? What did I do that was so amusing?).
But even more than my yearning for invisibility is my fascination with the knowledge that every person on this planet has their own life, and their own thoughts, and their own questions, and their own feelings, and their own points of view. No two people can ever truly see the exact same thing from the exact same vantage point at exactly the same time. What I see through my eyes is different – even if that difference is miniscule – from what everyone else is seeing. When I’m driving in my car, surrounded by travelers from diverse areas of the city, or perhaps areas of the country – maybe even from different parts of the world – I find myself amazed by the idea that every person in every one of those cars is out there driving for a different purpose. What are they thinking about? What are they worrying about? When I think about the billions of people on this planet, and the billions of thoughts wandering around some kind of metaphorical pseudo-space at any given time, it’s overwhelming. If all those thoughts are out there, and all those people are thinking about different things, how can I be sure that my car is one of the things they’re thinking about? I’m even amazed that we all managed to see the red light at the same time…
For all I know, none of this makes sense to anyone but me. Sometimes that seems to be the case with the things I write. But I suppose it doesn’t matter. After all, there’s a good chance I’m invisible anyway…
3 comments:
Say, remember that guy that ran into three times and never realized it? Now it all makes sense.
I thought Dad made a mistake by leaving out the word "you", but he says that the "you" is invisible.
Yes! And actually, he hit me FIVE times before he realized it... I KNEW I was invisible in my car... :)
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