How I caught mono from Derek Jeter...

Okay, it didn’t really happen that way. But I said this would be the title of my next post, so I figured I’d follow through… :)

But while I’m on the subject of illnesses and maladies – why is it that no one seems to be able to make a decent-tasting liquid cold medicine for adults? I can remember taking something when I was a kid – Dimetapp, maybe? – that tasted pretty good. Like syrupy popsicles. And then I “grew up” (sort of…) and felt it necessary to purchase “grown up” medications. The problem with these grown up medications is that they often taste somewhat like drain cleaner, and I’m really not particularly fond of drain cleaner (and no, I haven’t REALLY tried drain cleaner… I’m just assuming that if I did, it would taste like cold medicine). In fact, I can never seem to choke down an entire dose of Nyquil or any other liquid cold medicine – I usually end up taking about half a dose before my gag reflex says, “don’t even THINK about it.”

And I am the WORST when it comes to taking pills. I know people who can just pop some pills in their mouth and swallow without even taking a sip of water. I, on the other hand, have to have a drink of something (preferably NOT water – because a flavored liquid serves to not only cover the taste of a rapidly-disintegrating pill, but it seems to provide more of an incentive to swallow quickly), and once the pill is in my mouth, I have to sort of shake my head around until it is perfectly suspended in the middle of the liquid, and I can no longer feel it on my tongue. Only then am I able to trick myself into believing I’m simply taking a benign drink of juice or soda or milk, and I’m able to force the pill down my esophagus.

I remember once, years ago, flying up to New Jersey with Rick when I had a cold. I’d never flown with a cold before, and I stupidly refrained from taking any kind of decongestant before I boarded our flight. We had to change planes in Houston, and as we started our descent, I was overcome with severe pain, which I can only describe as being stabbed in the ears with ice picks. It hurt so bad that I was crying through our entire landing – the other passengers must’ve thought I had a huge fear of flying. (Which I DON’T… regardless of what Faisal says… :)) When we landed, I headed straight for the store and bought a little package of cold pills with a tiny collapsible drinking cup. There were only two pills in the package, and they weren’t the “coated” variety (which makes swallowing pills easier) so as soon as I popped the first pill in my mouth, it began to disintegrate into a bitter mush. I took a tiny sip of water from my tiny collapsible cup, and attempted my “shake the pill into the liquid until I can’t feel it” maneuver. The problem was, I could still TASTE that horrible bitterness, and seemed completely incapable of swallowing. I spit the pill out as Rick reprimanded me and told me what a wussy sissy girl I was. (I don’t know… maybe he didn’t actually say that. But that’s my recollection of events…)

Somehow, I did manage to swallow the second pill, even when Rick, hovering over me like a drill sergeant, adopted an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent and told me I was a “big loser baby.” (Again, it’s possible I’m not clear on the memory… I DID have a cold at the time and my mind was a bit fuzzy…) And the rest of the leg of our journey was uneventful. But I definitely learned a big lesson that day – if you even FEEL like you might be getting cold and you have to fly, take a decongestant before you get on the plane.

So I’m never sure which is worse – trying to choke down a cold pill, or trying to choke down liquid cold medicine. And if they can make pills and liquid that taste good for kids, why can’t they do the same for adults? What – just because we’re older we’re supposed to suffer through our medication? That hardly seems fair. So imagine my unmitigated joy when I discovered that someone actually DOES make chewable daily vitamins for adults. Chewable vitamins that taste like chocolate or fruity candy. I was so happy to find these, because I’ve avoided the “daily multi-vitamin” regimen for years, because most multi-vitamins are the size of Volkswagens.

You know, maybe I really AM a wussy sissy girl…